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Friday, January 05, 2007

Russia's Report Card for 2006

La Russophobe has prepared Russia's report card for the preceding year based on its many evaluations by qualified international organizations and agencies across a broad range of national challenges.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Russia, the little dunce, has failed every subject which might lead to success and passed every subject which might lead to failure with flying colors.

All these studies have been subjects of posts on La Russophobe in the past nine months, and they only scratch the surface of the deep-seated failures that pervade Russian society (such vital topics as population growth, AIDS infection and crime are left unaddressed as we focus on fundamental issues involving the basic operation of the political and social structure of the nation).

These results can hardly be surprising when the nation chooses as its president not only a proud KGB spy with no significant education or experience in democratic politics but one nominated to his position by a figure they purported to despise.

RUSSIA’S REPORT CARD FOR 2006

Subject.................Grade...Class Rank..............Instructor

Counterfeiting.........A...............2...................European Union

Bribery...................A..............2...................Transparency International

Sexism....................B...........13/75(83%).........United Nations

Competitiveness.......F.........62/125 (50%).......... World Economic Forum

Humanity................F..........65/173 (38%).........United Nations

Stability.................F............bottom 30%........Foreign Policy

Jurisprudence.........F.........151/208 (28%).........World Bank

Honesty................F.......... 129/159 (19%)......Transparency International

Press Freedom........F..........147/168 (12%)........Reporters Without Borders

Environment...........F..........172/178 (4%).........New Economics Foundation

Development...........O.............off scale............Center for Development

Teacher Comments: This student lacks a work ethic (indeed, ethics of any kind) and is prone to cheating. Spends most of the time doing drugs and staring blankly out the window. Responds to criticism defensively, resorts easily to violence and receives no correction or support in the home environment. Parents likely to blame the teacher for the student's poor performance. Child is unlikely to graduate, may well face incarceration before attaining the age of majority.

2 comments:

guzhevnikov said...

phobochka---
you're killing me. too funny. you've got a damn fine sense of humour when in the mood.

La Russophobe said...

We aim to please Guzhy darling, we aim to please.