Three Russian prison inmates were locked in the same cell; they soon began talking. "What are you here for?" asked one inmate of another. "They put me in for beating up some old Jew named Khaimovich," snarled one man. "And why are you here?" asked the second of the first. "For having defended some old Jew named Khaimovich in a fight," he replied. "And what were you arrested for?" the third inmate was asked. "For being Khaimovich," he sighed.

An American physician asked his Russian collegue: "Is it true that there are cases in your country where a patient was treated for one disease, only to have the autopsy reveal another cause of death." The Russian answered: "Absolutely not. All our patients die from the diseases we treat them for."

A Russian and an American are talking. "When I'm in a good mood I drive a car painted a light color," says the American. "When I'm busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. When I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly colored car." The Russian responds: "Things are much easier in Russia. If you are in a good mood, they will give you a ride in yellow car with a blue stripe. If you feel bad, the car will be white and the stripe red. I was abroad only once, and there I drove a tank."

An OVIR officer asks a man:
- Why are you going to Israel?
- My wife has no peace. Every moment she pleas: "Lets go, lets go!"
- Well, let her go.
- You know, my daughters insist also.
- So what?
- And my mother-in-law and father-in-law want to leave as well...
- Are you a man or not? Let all of them go and stay here.
- I wish I could. But I'm the only Jew in our family.