Having been knocked out of the top 3 in the 365-day rankings last week by countrywoman Nadia Petrova (who actually lives in Russia), Maria Sharapova has now dropped all the way to 5th on the calendar-year rankings, where she is only a puny 14 points ahead of Martina Hingus, who wasn't even ranked in the top 50 last year. Sharapova was booted down from 4th on the calendar-year "race to the championship" by another Russian who actually lives in the country, Svetlana Kuznetsova.

Don't cry, Maria. It's not like you've sold your body to Sports Illustrated even though you said you never would. It's not like you've refused to play for your national team. It's not like you haven't beaten a higher-ranked player to win a tournament in more than a year. It's not like you were booed of of the court (twice) at the "5th Major" by a half-empty stadium (because people find your game absurdly one-dimensional and boring).

Whoops, actually it is. OK, Maria, you can cry for while. But don't feel to bad. Remember, there's always Playboy and . . . well, whatever else Anna Kournikova is doing these days.