Here's a hot one: Russia can't stop its population from dwindling to zero, and it can't clean up its host of horrific toxic cities, and it's never even landed a man on the moon, but it's pretty darn sure it can shoot down any asteroids, comets or meteors that may threaten the planet. The Times of London reports:

Russia is prepared to repel asteroids to save Earth, Viktor Remishevsky, the deputy head of the Russian space agency, has said. “Russia’s rocket-manufacturing complex can create the means in space to repulse asteroids threatening Earth,” Mr Remishevsky said. But he emphasised that saving Earth demanded international co-operation. “Above all, space research institutions, and the infrastructure of the Russian Academy of Sciences, should warn about the threat of asteroids falling to Earth,” he said. According to the Institute of Applied Astronomy in Russia, about 400 asteroids and more than 30 comets present a potential threat to the planet. The Institute is particularly concerned about an asteroid known as Number 2907, a kilometer-wide chunk of space rock which, it believes — “with a large degree of certainty” — will strike the Earth on December 16, 2880.

Last La Russophobe heard, Russians were planning on setting up housekeeping on Mars. Perhaps they've changed priorities now. She believes there was also a "large degree of certainty" that Russia would become democratic after the fall of the USSR, wasn't there? Or at least that it wouldn't elect a proud KGB spy president . . . ah well. Certainty isn't what it used to be, especially not in Russia.