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Sunday, June 25, 2006

The Sunday Funnies: International Edition


The bear's hat says "Russia" and the sign says "Chechnya"

(Arabic - Al Jazeera)
Putin says: "I have a black belt." The Chechen says: "My [exploding] belt is more expensive."


Ivanov applied to the Kremlin administration.
A committee conducted an interview.
"Mr. Ivanov, do you smoke?"
"Yes, I do a little."
"Do you know that President Putin does not smoke and advised other Russians not to smoke?"
"If President Putin said so, I shall cease smoking."
"Do you drink?"
"Yes, a little."
"President Putin strongly condemns drunkenness."
"Then I shall cease drinking."
"Mr. Ivanov, what about women?"
"A little...."
"Do you know that President Putin strongly condemns amoral behavior?"
"If President Putin condemns it, I shall not love them any longer."
"Mr. Ivanov, will you be ready to sacrifice your life for the Fatherland?"
"Of course. Who needs such a life?"

Two brothers, John, and Bob, who lived in America and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSR. Even though they didn't believe the American media's negative reports on the conditions in the USSR, they decided to exercise caution. First, only John would go to Russia to test the waters. If, contrary to the media reports, the living conditions would be found good, and the reports about persecutions by the KGB false, than John would write a letter to Bob using black ink whose color would signify that the letter is to be taken at face value. If, though, the situation in the USSR happened to be bad, and John would be afraid of writing the truth, he would use red ink thus indicating that whatever he says in the letter must not be believed. In three months John sent his first report. It was in black ink and read, "Dear brother Bob! I'm so happy here! It's a beautiful country, I enjoy complete freedom, and high standard of living. All the capitalist press wrote was lies. Everything is readily available! There is only one small thing of which there's shortage, namely red ink."

A Russian, a Frenchman and an American argued who was the bravest man. "For example, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We throw dice, each of us gets a car, we drive on a mountain road. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there,” said the American. "That's nothing," the Frenchman said. "We choose ten girls and one of them has AIDS. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him.” Finally the Russian said: "We gather in an apartment, even though we know that one of us must be an informer. We tell political jokes throughout the night, and then nine are in jail, and one visits the nine there."

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