It's difficult to describe in mere words the full humiliating extent of the massacre of Russian female athletes which occurred last week on opposite ends of the globe. It was a new low in the annals of Russian sport.

First there was the disqualification of not one, not two, not three, not four but five -- count them, five -- top female Russian athletes from the Bejing Olympiad due to doping charges. Two other Russian athletes, of lesser stature, we also suspended from their sports. And making things even worse was the response of the Russian sports authorities. Sergei Vasilyev, the coach of the offending players, stated: "This is pure politics. If these athletes, who are the main contenders for gold medals, are forced out of the games, the new favorites will automatically be the Chinese." Interesting. Is that what Mr. Vasilyev would have said if the disqualification of Americans left Russians in dominant position? Anyone who thinks so needs to have his head examined as closely as these cheating Russians have been. Welcome back to the USSR!

And then there was the tennis. Oh, the woeful, atrocious, jaw-dropping Russian female tennis at the Tier I Rogers Cup WTA tour event in Montreal Canada.

Russia started out the tournament in fine shape on paper, with half the sixteen seeds and six of the top eight. Then the trouble started. They stepped on the court, and that was a mistake. Two of the eight seeds lost their opening-round matches, and four more were eliminated after pathetic efforts in their second match of the tournament, in the third round (most of the seeded Russians had byes in the first round). Here's an overview of the carnage:

• #3 seed Maria Sharapova barely survived her opening match against an unseeded Polish player, then quit the tournament claiming "injury." She then withdrew from Russia's Olympic team by publishing a note on her website, leaving her Russian coach slightly confused and saving her from the possiblity of having to play for her so-called country (of nationality only) against the one where she's actually lived most of her life.


• #5 seed Elena Dementieva lost her opening round match in straight sets to an unseeded Slovakian, managing to win only six games in the entire contest.


• #6 seed Anna Chakvetadze lost her second match of the tournament, in the third round following a bye. At least she, however, went down in three sets to a (lower) seeded payer.


• #8 seed Vera Zvonareva lost her opening round match to an unseeded Frenchwoman. At least she did better than "the Demented One," pushing her opponent to three sets.


• #12 seed Nadia Petrova was pulverized in her second match by the same Slovak who had crushed Dementieva out of the gate. She too, at least, outdid the higher-ranked serveless wonder, taking eight games in the straight-set loss.


• And finally #13 seed Maria Kirilenko went down in her second match to an unseeded Canadian who was only in the tournament because of a wild card assignment.

• Incidentally, just for good measure, the "world #1" Ana Ivanovic, who hails from Russia's beloved "little brother" Serbia, also lost in her second match (the third round) in humiliating fashion, to an unseeded Austrian player not ranked in the world's top 90 players (Ivanovic needed three sets to struggle past her unseeded first round opponent, just like Sharapova). "World #2" Serbian Jelena Jancovic had the chance to decisively pass Ivanovic and take the #1 ranking if only she could beat her unseeded quarter-finals opponent from Slovakia (a woman not ranked in the top 30 in the world). But she too suffered a humiliating straight-set blowout, winning just seven of nineteen games played. Showing what a ridiculous fraud the WTA ranking system really is, Jankovic is slated to become #1 anyway based on technical number cruching; she's ever even been in a grand slam final in her entire career, much less won one, and she didn't even make the semi-finals of the tournament that made her "#1" -- now that's justice Russian style!
  

So while Russia should have held six of the eight quarter-finals slots according to the seeding, in reality in attained only two of them -- and only one of Russia's eight tournament seeds managed to get that far without the helping hand of being able to face a fellow Russian along the way. #4 seed Svetlana Kuznetsova needed three tough sets to squeeze past her third-round opponent, an unseeded (and unheard of) Portuguese player who had, luckily for Kuznetsova, defeated the seeded opponent she would otherwise have had to face. #7 seed Dinara Safina was fortunate enough to draw a Russian opponent in her second-round match, thus giving her an easy road to a third-round contest with the #9 seed, where she became the only seeded Russian to beat a seed and advance to the quarter finals (beating the lower-seeded opponent in dominating fashion).

In other words, with six of the top eight seeds the only reason Russia even had a single berth in the semi-finals was the luck of the draw, that the only two surviving Russians happened to be in the same quarter of the draw and so they faced off in a quarter-finals match, guaranteeing a Russian spot in the semis regardless of the outcome.

The higher-ranked Russian, of course, Kuznetesova, then lost in disgraceful fashion, taking only five games total in the second two sets of a three-set contest.

So while Russians (and Serbians) held all of the top eight seeds in the tournament, only one of them managed to get as far as the semi-finals. The other three spots there were filled by the 10 and 11 seeds as well as one player who had no seed at all. Over and over and over and over again the Russians (and Serbians) collapsed in spectacular, humilating fashion at the hands of much lower ranked non-Russian (and non-Serbian) competition.

Meet Svetlana Gromenkova, who defected from Russia (Moscow) years ago and now lives in Brooklyn, New York. Providing yet more evidence that doing so is the key to success for Russians (Maria Sharapova, who did likewise, is the only Russian woman ever ranked #1 in tennis and the only one to win more than one grand slam title and to do so beating a non-Russian), on June 10th Gromenkova won this year's "ladies' event" at the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, Nevada, defeating a field of 1,190 other players and winning $224,702.

If only more Russians would learn from this example.

Gromenkova still has a bit of work to do on shedding her Russian personality, though. The WSOP blog reports: "Gromenkova is a woman of few words. Before play started ESPN's Howard David had asked her what she wanted the world to know about her. Gromenkova's reply? 'Nothing.'"

Interestingly, a New York Times story recently reported that the number of Russians on the voting rolls in New York City expanded dramatically over the last four years. When Russians should have, according to the Kremlin's propaganda, been staying and returning home due to Russia's wonderful alleged improvement, in fact they continued to flee just as quickly as they were able. We lift our lamp beside the golden door, Russians!

Five Russian women made it into the fourth round of The Championships at Wimbledon last week, including three of the top ten seeds in the tournament. Just two made it out.

Four of those five players (#4 Kuznetsova, #5 Dementieva, pictured above, #8 Chakvetadze, #21 Petrova and the unseeded Kudryaseva) -- all the seeds -- drew lower-ranked opponents in the fourth round, and three of those opponents were non-Russians. Yet, only one of those three (Dementieva) survived what should have been easy contests against the foreigners and only one of the losers pushed her opponent to a third set. The other Russian to advance to the quarter finals was Petrova, the one who had the luxury of facing fellow Russian Kudryaseva.

With #3 Maria Sharapova having been eliminated in starkly humiliating fashion much earlier (even facing the lowly Kudryaseva could not save Russia's #1, though Petrova was able to crush her in easy straight sets), only one of Russia's four top-ten seeds in the tournament managed to get as far as the semifinals -- that being the woeful Elena Dementieva, the "serveless wonder." And she was able to accomplish this only because of her all-Russian quarterfinal match with the much lower-ranked Petrova, who wilted and handed the match to Dementieva without much struggle.

If you were a sufficiently hardcore tennis fanatic to have woken up early and tuned in to watch Dementieva play American Venus Williams in their semi-finals match on Thursday (at 7 am New York time on ESPN2), you heard the commentators ridiculing the Russian before the match as having a nickname among the players of "the Demented One" because of her repeated psychological breakdowns on the court, and scoffing at her lackluster game. Only two Russians who actually grew up in Russia have ever won grand slam titles in the history of the sport, and both of them won them by beating Dementieva in the finals, where she fell apart like a cheap suit each time. As the camera panned around the storied Centre Court stadium, you'd have seen scores of empty seats. The knowledgeable British fans knew what was coming, and they wanted no part of it.

Nor, it seemed, did Dementieva. When interviewed before stepping on court instead of overflowing with joy at her best-ever Wimbledon result she spoke in the colorless, robotic manner of so many Russian players (Sharapova was booed off the court in her ejection match at this year's French Open, not the first time such a thing has happened) and looked like someone marching out to face the firing squad. Which, indeed, it turned out she was. At that point, you might well have considered going back to bed.

The lower-ranked and lower-seeded American destroyed the Russian on the court, outclassing her in every aspect of the game. In the first set, the Demented One was able to eke out only a single game as Williams broke her serve at will and dominated her with her own service game. From then on, Williams was on autopilot, letting Dementieva breathe and then crushing her in a second-set tiebreaker. It was almost as if she felt sorry for those assembled to watch and wanted to give them at least a little bit of a contest. One third of the meager 60 points Dementieva won over the course of the match came on unforced errors made by Williams. She served no aces and made three key double faults, including one in the tiebreaker that decided the match. In more than half of her preceding matches she had been stretched to three sets; Williams had not dropped a single set in any of her prior matches. Dementieva, the tournaments #5 seed, ended up inflicting less damage on Venus than the unseeded Chinese player who faced her sister in the other semi-finals match and also went down in straight sets.

And remember, Dementieva was the class of the Russian field.

The sad thing is that the Russians' woeful play was actually good for the tournament, because it left the thrilling Williams sisters to contest yet another all-American final. Ask anyone even casually familiar with the sport who they'd rather see (much less pay big bucks to watch in person): Sharapova vs. Kuznetsova or Williams vs. Williams. It's the mother of all no-brainers. And the idea of Dementieva being any part of the finals is more than enough to make any tennis fan consider switching over to bowling. The Williams sisters not only leave the Russians in the dust in terms of the quality and watchability of their play, but also in terms of personal interest and color. Russians seem utterly oblivious of the need to bring something dynamic and entertaining to the table, and because of this they seriously jeopardize the future of the women's game with their omnipresence.

The tournament turned out to be a real bloodbath for the Slavic women as the top two Serbians (Ivanovic and Jancovic) were also blown out by unheralded competitors early in the going. For the final insult, after having its top male player, Niklolay Davydenko (under a match-fixing cloud), eliminated in the first round in a manner even more pathetic than its female #1 Russia's Marat Safin was easily crushed by #1 Roger Federer -- no shame in losing to #1, but Safin looked like a rank amateur and was reduced to fits of apelike rage and racket smashing, drawing a code violation from the umpire. Not much on sportsmanship, that Safin.

But he was a paragon of virtue compared to the loathsome Dementieva. Fuming with bitterness over her pathetic level of play, when asked about the likely outcome of the All-American final she declared: "For sure it's going to be a family decision." By that she meant as what she "said in 2001 following a loss to Venus in the quarterfinals of a tournament at Indian Wells, Calif., setting up a Williams-Williams semifinal. Asked to predict the outcome, Dementieva said then: 'I don't know what Richard thinks about it. I think he will decide who's going to win,'" as the AP reported. Venus responded: "Any mention of that is extremely disrespectful for who I am, what I stand for, and my family."

When Vladimir Putin was anointed Time magazine's "person of the year" in 2007, he complained in an interview with the weekly that too many foreigners insist on seeing Russians as "a little bit savage." But based on the behavior of their leading male and female players at the world's most civilized sports forum last week, it could well be that foreigners don't see Russians as sufficiently savage. Will Putin take time out to chastise his countrymen for their barbaric vulgarity? It seems unlikely.

The Americans, however, had a field day. In addition to an all-American ladies' singles final (note that neither Williams sister was among the top five seeds when the tournament began) yielding the USA a women's title two years running, the Williams sisters teamed up to play doubles and made it all the way to the finals, taking the title there too. Three of the four women who contested the doubles final were Americans, making nearly an all-American affair there as well (the fourth was an Aussie; no Russian woman made the semi-finals in doubles, while half the field there was American). The stellar American mens' doubles team, the Bryan brothers, also reached the semi-finals. Though they didn't win through to the finals, both the brothers made it to the finals of the last major event, mixed doubles, contesting it (with non-American partners) just as the Williams sisters were contesting the singles final. Even though they're in a slump in terms of generating new talent, Americans appeared in at least the semi-finals of every event except men's singles and won three of the five titles.

Now that's domination.

One thing Dementieva did do however, it must be said, was remind everyone that she was Russian, screeching unintelligible Russian phrases of disgust and yelping like a puppy whose tail had been trodden on (in bizarre fashion, she would routinely turn to face her mother in the stands and carry on extended dialogues with her). Maria Sharapova, by contrast, speaks English on the court because she, the only Russian to ever beat a non-Russian in a grand slam final, and the only one to ever hold the number 1 ranking, has lived most of her life in the United States, where she was taught how to play by American masters.

If that's a Russian accomplishment, then America discovered the theory of relativity.

Yevgeny Kiselyov, a political analyst and political talk show host on Ekho Moskvy radio, on Russia's football frenzy and how it apes the Franco dictatorship, from the Moscow Times:

For three glorious weeks, football ruled in Europe. But that is all behind us now. Spain won the championship, and passions have died down -- that is except in Russia, where football fever is still gripping the population like some form of mass madness.

There is a good reason for that excitement, of course. To everyone's pleasure and amazement -- including mine -- Russia's team rose from its initial standing in 16th place after a dismal showing in the qualifying round to finish in third place overall.

Now even housewives who never cared about football before know that nothing like this has happened since 1988, when the Soviet team last made it to the European championships. Soccer coverage dominated the airwaves almost as much as Putin's Plan did before the presidential election.

But we heard much less about the fact that Spain last made it to the finals in 1964, when they beat the Soviet team. But it is worth recalling some of the events from that period, a time when Spain was locked in a duel with the Soviet Union. It was foremost a political battle. Spain, which hosted the championship game in Madrid, was still haunted by the memories of its civil war from 1936 to 1939. The republicans, supported by the Soviet Union, lost to Francisco Franco's nationalists. Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev wanted the Soviet team to trounce Spain in full view of the Spanish dictator. Just the opposite happened. In an intense game, the Soviet players missed the decisive goal in the final minutes and lost to Spain 2-1.

Khrushchev was beside himself with rage. His team lost to Spain in front of the caudillo himself. The defeat brought shame upon the red flag and dishonor to the Soviet state. The head trainer, Konstantin Beskov, who had assembled one of the best teams in the country's history, was immediately fired.

Objectively speaking, Spain's team was the strongest in Europe, with Real Madrid winning five consecutive European championship cups from 1956 to 1960. No team has since matched that accomplishment.

Spain's total obsession with football began in earnest under Franco in the 1950s -- a period during which Spain was viewed by most of the world as the "sick man" of Europe. It was a rogue state, one of the last dictatorships in Europe, scorned and criticized by other countries. It was poor, backward and stagnant. Its glory days as an powerful empire -- one that earned the world's respect for its amazing military victories, great voyages and geographic discoveries -- had long passed by the mid-20th century. Therefore, Spain found its much-needed self-esteem on the football field.

And not only football. In 1968, Spain was beside itself with delight when the Spanish singer Massiel won the Eurovision song contest in Britain. With her eloquently named song "La, La, La," she beat out Britain's future rock 'n' roll star Cliff Richard, who took second place. Even then, there were rumors that the voting process was rigged. Now, 40 years later, those suspicions have proved well-founded. Spain released a film documenting how Franco had the contest's jury members bribed in order to ensure a win and the boosting of his country's international reputation.

I don't mention this story to cast doubt on our excellent finish in the European Football Championship, Dima Bilan's recent Eurovision win, Sochi securing the 2014 Winter Olympics, Zenit St. Petersburg's UEFA championship victory or Russia's hockey win after so many unsuccessful years. All of those performers and athletes deserved the glory and honor that comes with victory.

But when celebrations over victories in athletic or Eurovision contests reach the level of hysteria, Russia becomes very much like Franco's Spain.

In fact, the histories of Russia and Spain have a lot in common. The great 20th-century Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset called the two countries "the two poles of the great European axis." If we take his famous book, "Spineless Spain," and substitute the word "Russia" for "Spain," the reader will find the numerous parallels between the two simply amazing.

The regime that former President Vladimir Putin's built is in some subtle ways reminiscent of Franco's regime during its era of decline -- when, like the Sphinx without the riddle, all that remained of the harsh, bloodthirsty dictator was the uniform of the generalissimo. It is no coincidence that the system almost immediately collapsed after Franco's death and that his hand-picked successor, King Juan Carlos I, played a leading role in returning Spain to democracy.

As for the euphoria following athletic victories or artistic triumphs, yesterday it was the Bolshoi Ballet, today it is Bilan. Communist propaganda touted the success of Soviet hockey players, figure skaters and ballet dancers as proof of "the indisputable superiority of the socialist system." And the same propaganda reacted very negatively when famous Soviet figures, such as dancers Rudolf Nureyev and Mikhail Baryshnikov and figure skaters Lyudmila Belousova and Oleg Protopopov, defected to the West. They were portrayed as the worst kind of traitors to the state.

Rooting for the success of Soviet athletes gave ordinary citizens a way to feel like they were a part of some great cause. It also allowed them to forget for a short time about their lack of freedom, their meager Soviet standard of living and their limited opportunities for personal success or prosperity. On the other hand, when all other channels for self-expression were closed, the mass interest in football served as a substitute for a full and healthy social life. Direct broadcasts of football games were practically the only Soviet television programs shown live, and they were a rare glimpse of the real world -- one filled with the drama, passion and suspense of a live global sport event whose results were not preprogrammed by the state. The only other live broadcasts were of military parades, workers' demonstrations on Nov. 7 and May 1, funerals for Politburo members on Red Square and, of course, "Vremya," the stiff government nightly news program.

Football is an outlet to express the people's patriotism without nationalistic excesses or xenophobia. It also allows them to make nonstandard pragmatic decisions that in other circumstances might be considered politically incorrect, such as inviting a foreign coach to head the national team. Football is perhaps the only issue that is subject to serious, hard-hitting and impartial analysis by the pro-Kremlin media.

In 1964, when Franco's Spain went head to head with Khrushchev's Soviet Union in the finals of the European championship, the two countries were on equal footing. By 2008, however, democratic Spain, which has long since moved on from its past as a dictatorship, twice routed Russia, a country stuck in its authoritarian past.

Perhaps this should be a lesson not only for Putin but for the football team's coach, Guus Hiddink. The team is overly burdened when so much of the country's pride and self-worth rests on its performance on the field. With this huge weight on each player's shoulders, it makes it very difficult to compete against more nimble football teams from free and democratic countries.

Alexei Bayer, writing in the Moscow Times:

Economists and investors like talking about the BRIC countries, meaning Brazil, Russia, India and China. Besides making a clever acronym, it would seem that the four don't have a lot in common as far as history, culture or economic structure is concerned.

But the BRIC countries are all vast landmasses occupied by large populations with relatively low per-capita incomes that have enjoyed rapid economic growth over the past decade. In addition, they are drawing closer together. Look at the young players on the Russian football team who embarrassed established European powers and thrilled fans in Austria and Switzerland.

Despite its loss to Spain in the semifinal, Russia's fantastic performance at the European football championship united the nation and brought overjoyed fans to the streets. But sports is never free of politics -- especially not among former Cold War powers, who for four decades after World War II fought proxy battles at Olympic stadiums and ice rinks around the world. There has been a persistent drumbeat in the pro-government Russian media implying that the team's success -- combined with a win earlier this year at the World Hockey Championship in Quebec and Zenit victory in the UEFA Cup, as well as the first-place finish by singer Dima Bilan on Eurovision -- are somehow the result of Vladimir Putin's eight years as president.

The myth being promulgated by the Kremlin describes Russia as downtrodden when democrats were in power in the 1990s. State assets were squandered and sinister elements abroad conspired to keep Russia weak. But now, under Putin's firm and wise leadership, Russia has risen from its knees. It is rich, economically powerful, politically stable and once more respected by foreigners. Is it a surprise that sports victories have followed?

But in recent history, there is little connection between sporting success and economic prosperity or political stability. Argentina won its two football World Cups in 1978 and 1986, when the country was oppressed by a military junta and struggled with hyperinflation. Moreover, midway between its two football victories, the country experienced a disastrous military misadventure in the Falklands.

Brazilians, meanwhile, have been playing football with a little less dazzle since they began their current spurt of economic growth around 2002. Universal favorites, they failed to make it to the final of the 2006 World Cup.

In Russia, the success of its football team makes a mockery of the Kremlin's political doctrine. Its leaders never tire of talking of the country's special historic path. They reject Western experience and denounce its model for democratic society and a market economy. Russia, they claim, is sui generis -- it needs its own "sovereign democracy" as well as an economy that is dominated by the state and managed by bureaucrats.

Yet, the football team won because Guus Hiddink, a world-class coach with a proven international track record, was brought in, not some corrupt nincompoop with Leningrad ties to Putin.

Another myth is that Russia is finally reclaiming the Soviet-era grandeur. This is nonsense. Watching Russian fans nowadays brings tears to my eyes when I compare them with what Soviet fans used to look like at international competitions. Only two decades ago, they were shabby, uptight and frightened members of tiny delegations -- hand-picked by the Komsomol after a lengthy vetting process. They got puny amounts of hard currency, which they scrupulously saved, eating canned fish in their hotel rooms so that they could buy Western goods anywhere they could. They sat sheepishly in their seats and chanted half-heartedly when prompted by their brooding KGB chaperones.

Russia has indeed risen from its knees. But contrary to conventional wisdom, it didn't happened under President Vladimir Putin, but in 1991, when it sent communism to the dust heap of history.

If anything more revolting happened last week than the sight of crazed Russian nationalists whooping it up on the streets of Moscow, and calling themselves "champions," because their national football squad had defeated tiny Netherlands using not a Russian but a Dutch coach, we must have missed it. Only in Russia does reaching the semi-finals of a regional sports tournament qualify as a champion's achievement.

The arrogance was flying fast and furious, as only Russians can manufacture it. Russian Midfielder Konstantin Zyryanov stated: "We have beaten two very strong teams, I think this improves our chances. I want to play Spain [in the semifinal]. We made lots of mistakes against Spain [in the group match] and now we have fixed them very quickly."

Be careful what you wish for, Konstantin.

Nobody even remotely familiar with the sorry legacy of sports in Putin's Russia could have been surprised when Russia was shut out in its next match against Spain, 3-0, and hence ejected from the tournament. Over the course of two matches against the Spaniards, Russia was outscored by a ghastly 7-1 and outclassed in every aspect of the game (this even though Spain's star player David Villa was out of the second match on an injury in the early going).

Except the Russians, of course, who sat there slack-jawed just long enough to realize it must have been a massive Russophobic conspiracy that did them in. Woe to any Spanish person that might be encountered on the streets of Moscow (not that there are any, of course, since Moscow is about as attractive to a Spaniard as Antarctica to a Nigerian).

It seems that Russia's "strategy" for victory -- bribing its players with unlimited access to costly whores -- worked out no better than bribing mothers to have babies has proven to. The team lost, and the population continues to shrink rapidly. So much for the "Russian solution" to everything -- corruption.

And that wasn't the end of Russia's humiliation, either. Both the top-ranked Russian male and female tennis players, as we reported yesterday, were blown off the court in easy straight sets at Wimbledon by opponents who were not ranked in the world's top 100. Neither managed to get as far as the third round.

Ouch.

Strange to say, though, we were rooting for Russian football against Spain. Had the Russians won, it would have been a beautiful argument that by allowing themselves to be led by foreign ideals Russians can achieve greatness. After all, such progress as Russia did make in the Euro tournament this year, getting a semi-final bid, was due in large part to the efforts of the team's non-Russian coach, who sought to make massive reforms in the shoddy program he inherited from the desperate Russians. Now, the Russians will probably say they would have won the whole thing if only they'd had a "real Russian" to lead them. Granted, we would have been forced to endure the cacophonous din of Russians bellowing that winning this tournament "proved" they now ruled the world no matter how man other spectacular failures they might have, but that would have been a small price to pay and actually somewhat amusing.

But in reality, the whole situation is simply a farce. Russia got to the quarter finals by beating Sweden and Greece, teams that had a grand total of one win between them in the tournament and which together don't have half Russia's population. It then got to the semi-finals by beating the country its own coach came from, presumably giving them quite a nice inside track, a country so small it can barely be seen on a map. When Russia was forced to contend with a big boy like Spain, it when down to spectacularly lame defeat not once but twice.

And this is the story of Vladmir Putin's Russia. It simply couldn't care less about reality or actual success, just as was the case in Soviet times. Instead, the denizens of Putin's Russia appear to prefer to live in a world of their own imagining, and to pass of any failure as owing to pure dumb luck. This is precisely the attitude that destroyed the USSR from within, and it will have no different result in Putin's Russia.

Russia's top-ranked player Maria Sharapova was blown off the court in easy straight sets in her second match at The Championships in Wimbledon last week by a player who had never before won a match at the tournament, was unseeded and not ranked in the world's top 150 players. The loss came just hours after Sharapova learned that Russia had refused her request to carry the national flag at the Beijing Olympiad opening ceremonies. The request was certainly an odd one coming from a person who lives in America and never spends any time in her so-called "homeland."

Sharapova at least did better than Russia's top-ranked male player, the infamous Nikolai Davydenko (embroiled in a match-fixing scandal), who also crashed and burned spectacularly at Wimbledon. He lost his opening match in easy straight sets to an unseeded German not ranked in the world's top 100.

And to round things out nicely, Russia's national football team (albeit coached by a Dutchman) lost its second match of the Euro tournament to Spain even worse than it had the first encounter, which was a massacre. This time Russia didn't manage to score a single goal and was eliminated from the tournament after much posing and strutting by the Russian nationalist crowd. Hard to imagine how the Russian side could have surrendered so meekly not once but twice . . . after all, they'd been bribed with whores and everything. What more motivation could they possibly have required?

To have watched the French Open ladies' finals live in California, you'd have needed to wake up at 6 am.

To see it live, you'd have needed to pay more than $100 to sit in the uppermost tier of the stadium, where the players would barely be distinguishable. To see them up close, you'd need to pay well over $1,000.

Would it have been worth it?

Well, you wouldn't even have seen a match between top-ten players, much less any of the three really compelling superstars of the game (Henin and the two Williams sisters). You'd have seen world #2 Ana Ivanovic go up against lowly world #14 Dinara Safina. You'd then have seen five breaks of serve in the opening set (which consisted of just ten games), with one-third of its points ending in unforced errors. You'd then have seen Safina go down in easy straight sets, just as the seeding would have predicted.

The last time a French Open women's match went three sets was 2001, when an American and Belgian were playing. We dare you to name the last time two Russians delivered a world-class match late in a Grand Slam event.

At least when Sharapova loses, though, Russians get to talk about how pretty she is. With Safina . . . well, you be the judge.

You can tell all you need to about Safina's style of play from her photographs. She stands there and bashes the ball in an apelike manner. Not exactly compelling for a spectator. And unfortunately not much of a "well, she's a nice little piece of ass" fallback position, either. As we've said before, the Russian contingent is destroying the women's game.

In Russia's defense, though, it should be noted that few Russians would recognize a person with a name like "Safina" as actually being Russian (certainly not Slavic), and Safina spends most of her time in Spain, where she perfected her game. She lives in Monaco, preferring tax convenience to patriotism, it seems.

So by all means let's not forget to discuss the Queen of Russian beauty, the mother of all tennis babes, Sharapova. Here she is in all her regal splendor discussing her humiliating loss to Safina (the only way one superhuman Russian can lose, of course, is by being beaten by another):


Well, she air-brushes really well, anyway.

Non-top-ten Safina also humiliated Russia's #2 player, Svetlana Kuznetsova, who was able to win only four games in their semi-finals match. If you payed big bucks to watch that, you were also rather disappointed, to say the least (the other semi-finals match, between two Serbians, went three sets). Kuznetsova, of course, being another one of Russia's "dominating" beauties:


Sharapova, meanwhile, lost her "#1" ranking for the second time almost as soon as she received it, being replaced by Ivanovic. Sharapova has never won a tournament while ranked #1 in the world -- no Russian ever has.

Russians bootstrapping themselves deep into grand slam events by playing each other. If it's the future of women's tennis, time to see what's on the golf channel.

There's something about success that breeds failure where Russia is concerned. It can make the best of them head right into the toilet, and the worst of them . . . well, you don't want to know.

Take, for instance, the cartoon shown above, drawn by "Ellustrator" Sergei Yelkin for the RIA Novosti news service. It shows a sniper's crosshairs hovering over a blood-red maple leaf that has five bullet holes in the bullseye, and is emblazoned with the words "WAY TO GO!" also in blood red.

Apparently, these five bullet holes are meant to represent the five goals the Russian team scored to narrowly defeat Canada in overtime at the World Ice Hockey championships earlier this week. It's been a long 15 years since Russia last won a gold medal in that event, which it should dominate. But in fact, Russia only won because of a freak penalty where a Canadian player accidentally flipped the puck out of the rink, just a happenstance. Shorthanded, Canada gave up the sudden-death goal in overtime to lose the match. Canada had dominated Russia in the first two periods of play.

It seems that even when Russians win, they somehow find a way to lose anyway.

Just imagine for a moment if you will how Russians would have reacted if the shoe were on the other foot. Let's say, just for example, that the U.S. had beaten Russian 4-3 and a leading American wire service commissioned a cartoon showing Russia's double-headed eagle with all four eyes shot out by bullet holes. Any chance they'd say that penalty was some kind of Russophobic conspiracy? What are they odds they would admit the U.S.A. had beaten them fair and square and deserved the gold medal, and deserved to gloat with such a cartoon? In any other country, circumstances like this might be cause for some sort of introspection and modesty. But not Russia.

"We are going to get drunk. We deserve this. It is great for our country," said Russian forward Alexander Ovechkin. Impressive level of sportsmanship, isn't it?

Even Mr. Yelkin, whose work is respected by this blog and often featured in our Sunday Funnies section, totally lost his mind with intoxicating arrogance. His cartoon is sickening in more ways than can be counted, and if something like that was done by a Westerner to a patriotic symbol of Russia, there would be hell to pay. But Russians have no problem with this sort of barbarism when it's aimed at those evil foreigners they despise.

We can't help but be reminded of the classically Russian antics of Maria Sharapova's father Yuri at this year's Australian Open, which his daughter won. When she beat world #1 Justine Henin, one of the classiest and most noble players ever to grace the game -- and who has suffered a long history of personal trauma in her private life -- Yuri covered his head in his hood, making himself look just like the infamous Unabomber, and made crude, disgusting slashing gestures across his throat.

Russians win so rarely, and go down to humiliating defeat so often, and they hate foreigners so much, that it's perhaps understandable they would need to blow off accumulated pressure on the rare occasions when they succeed. But invariably, Russians go so far with this barbaric behavior that they destroy any good will or respect they might otherwise have generated in the West through their victory.

And meanwhile, instead of thinking "hey, we won, we can do this -- maybe we need some reforms so we can do it more often," Russians inevitably conclude "see, we're perfect, and whenever we lose it's just bad luck we can do nothing about, or evil foreign conspiracies." It's the same in the wide aspects of life, sports is a perfect metaphor for society where Russia is concerned. The whole charade is, in our view, utterly pathetic and disgusting.

And so it goes in Vladimir Putin's Russia. Just as Putin can't understand that when he persecutes dissidents like Oleg Kozlovsky he shows weakness rather than strength, Russians can't seem to realize how pathological their behavior makes them appear in they eyes of the civilized world. Only a greatly frustrated people, so well acquainted with humiliating failure, become so frenzied at any instance of success. All Russians do when they act this way is to remind the world of their long history of failure.

At last week's Tier I WTA tour event in Rome, two of the top three, three of the top six and five of the top ten seeds were Russians.

#2 seed Maria Sharapova barely managed to beat the #9 seed (not ranked in the world's top 10) in the quarter finals, losing the first set and falling behind in the second. Then she forfeited the semi-finals, once again claiming injury and disappointing such fans as the sport may still have with so many Russians gumming up the works.

#3 seed Svetlana Kuznetsova lost her second match of the tournament in easy straight sets to an unseeded French qualifier.

#6 seed Anna Chakvetadeze was decisively beaten in three sets by that same qualifier in the semi-finals.

Russia's #10 seed was the only one of the group to lose a match to a higher-ranked opponent, going down in straight sets in her second match to #8 seed Venus Williams, winning only two games in the decisive set.

Russians, of course, ignored these results even more than usual because St. Petersburg's Zenit soccer team won the UEFA soccer championship in Manchester England against Great Britain -- and not only that, but watched British fans run riot in the aftermath. Russians need to take such victories where they can find them, but a close look reveals much that is illusion. Zenit's coach isn't Russian, he's Dutch. One of its best players is Ukrainian. Zenit was expected to win after being freakishly lucky enough to draw such a relatively weak opponent in the finals (the British side hadn't seen the finals in nearly four decades); the Russian side barely made it to the championship round, finishing a lame third in its group in the opener.

As usual, Russians will ignore the reality and the need for reform, choosing to dwell in the world of illusions and condemning themselves to nothing but ultimate failure and humiliation.

Already in 2004, there were over 200 foreign professionals registered in Russia. Over a quarter of those were Africans. And black players continue to arrive in large numbers, lured, like other foreign mercenaries, by the prospect of huge wages and the chance of a springboard to the big leagues of Western Europe. The six-figure salaries and luxury lifestyle on offer for these players at top Russian clubs are in stark contrast to the welcome often afforded them when they venture into the streets, or onto the pitch.

"I would be happy to sign anyone, but the fans don't like black players. Quite honestly, I do not understand how they could pay so much attention to skin colour." That assertion – made by Zenit St Petersburg coach Dick Advocaat earlier this year, was as shocking for its matter-of-factness as for its implications. "For us (signing a black player] is impossible," he confirmed.

The Dutchman was, bluntly, acknowledging a reality that has blighted the Russian game for years. And Zenit fans, or rather a voluble section among them, are serial offenders.

Two years ago, as Zenit kicked off their 2006/07 Russian Premier League campaign against visitors Saturn, the two team captains, Vladislav Radimov and Antonio Geder met in the centre of the pitch for the traditional raising of the Russian flag. As Geder put his hand on the flag, a chorus of monkey chants rang out around Petrovsky Stadium. Geder, a Brazilian, is black.

In March this year, when Marseille came to town for their meeting with Zenit in the last 16 of the UEFA Cup, it was a similar story. As three of the French club's black players warmed up on the touchline, they were met with the same monkey chants and even had to suffer bananas being thrown at them. Marseille submitted an official complaint. UEFA spokesman William Gaillard promised an investigation, and pledged zero tolerance approach, but thus far have failed to deliver any sanctions.

Zenit meanwhile issued a less than convincing official riposte: "Zenit unites football players of different nationalities and religions. Our club has millions of supporters in different countries. The club and its players repeatedly took part in the anti-racist programmes permanently expressing their negative attitude to any outbreaks of racism… The club can only express its bewilderment concerning the accusations of racist propaganda made by Zenit fans that appeared after Marseille left St Petersburg."

Senegalese defender, Pascal Mendy – now at Kaunas and linked in the past with Hearts – claimed during his time at Dynamo Moscow that there were two major problems in Russia: "Racism and the language. I am frightened to go out at night in Moscow. I am scared of racist attacks. After my first match I was attacked by three Russians on my 10-minute walk home. Luckily I'm quick. I ran away from them. That was my debut in Russian football."

Hearts' Ghanaian midfielder Laryea Kingston, who spent three years in Russia before moving to Scotland, reinforces the picture painted by Mendy, claiming that, had he not left, he risked losing his family. "They didn't like it to be honest. There was a lot of racism there, and they experienced that. It was very hard for them. Last season, my wife said she would divorce me, if I stayed there. I had to listen to her."

One of the African trailblazers was Cameroon defender, Jerry Christian Tchuisse who has had spells with Spartak Moscow and other clubs. In 2006, the Russian Football Union approached him to take part in their Match against Racism, in which the Russian national side took on a team made up of players from Africa and South America plying their trade in the RPL. It was a worthy idea, which caught the attention of the media, and Tschuisse expressed the hope that "it might actually change something."

The Cameroonian is still in Russia, but his optimism has surely by now waned. Now playing for second division Vityaz, last month he was subjected to the standard monkey howls and insults during a match against Torpedo Moscow. In the dying minutes he lost his cool and reacted angrily to the crowd's taunts. He was red-carded. The referee's report noted that he had been dismissed for "responding to the racist taunts of Torpedo (Moscow] fans with a vulgar gesture".

For all the high-profile initiatives, and official proclamations, that incident suggests a disturbing acceptance of racism as part of the landscape within the officialdom, and that little is really being done to stamp it out at grassroots level.

It is rare though to hear anyone – aside from the black players at the end of the abuse – criticise the governing bodies for not taking a tougher stance.

One who has is Czech keeper Antonin Kinsky, who has played for Saturn since 2004. During a recent match against Khimki, whose fans enjoy a reputation worse even than Zenit's, he was enraged by the treatment dished out to his black teammates: "I'd like to talk about the behaviour of the Khimki supporters. Journalists don't write about this, they don't show it on TV. But whenever (the Malawian] Benni Angbwa or (Brazilian] Zelao touched the ball, they started making monkey noises. Why this disrespect towards black players? I can't answer this question. But I find it amazing and incomprehensible that the Russian football authorities don't take any action. How can you allow people to shout that kind of thing? If the suits and the football chiefs don't do anything, it means they condone that kind of behaviour? If nothing changes, I've no idea where this country is headed," continues Kinsky.

As he was winding down his presidency, Russian leader Vladimir Putin recently expressed concern at the state of the Russian game. His chief gripe was that clubs were spending too much on foreign players and not nurturing homegrown talent. Typically the issue of racism was not raised. Perhaps the man who has just been inaugurated as his successor – Dmitry Medvedev – a Zenit fan – will view it as a matter of greater importance.

A massive, totally humiliating shut-out against Russia. Ouch. In Russia. Double ouch! In ice hockey. Triple ouch! The glory of Vladimir Putin's Russia continues unabated. The Vancouver Sun reports:

Brayden Schenn could barely believe his ears. What started as a pro-Russian crowd was boisterously backing the Canadians by the end of Wednesday's final at the under-18 world hockey championship.

Canada blasted the host team 8-0 at Tatneft Arena in Kazan, Russia.

"The Russian fans, near the end of the game, started cheering for us when we were scoring," said Schenn, a Saskatoon-born-centre with the Canadian team," I don't think the Russian players appreciated that, so they were trying to stick up for themselves. But we held our own. That's what we do."

The Canadians fell 4-2 to Russia during the preliminary round, but emphatically avenged that loss Wednesday. Schenn scored his first goal of the tournament during Canada's five-goal first period. His forechecking forced a turnover and then the crafty centre deked to his backhand and beat Russian goaltender Alexander Pechurskiy. Schenn added an assist on Canada's seventh goal, an even-strength tally by Brandon McMillan with 3:39 left in the second. "Right after McMillan's goal, they started cheering for us. We were surprised and shocked," said Schenn. "Having 10,000 Russians cheer for you is definitely a good feeling."

Regina Pats sniper Jordan Eberle netted a pair of goals for Canada. Taylor Hall, Tyler Cuma, Corey Trivino and Nicolas Deschamps also scored. Canadian goaltender Jake Allen stopped 29 shots to earn his second shutout of the tournament.

Schenn is the second member of his family to win a world hockey title this year. His brother Luke, an 18-year-old defenceman with the Kelowna Rockets, helped Canada win the world junior championship in January. The elder Schenn previously helped Canada win the 2006 junior World Cup and the 2007 Super Series against Russia.

"I'm sure there's always room for more gold in the Schenn household," Brayden said with a laugh. "Being able to match [Luke] with a gold medal is a great feeling. He deserves a lot of the credit because he's helped me out a lot throughout the year."

Brayden Schenn made a name for himself with the Brandon Wheat Kings this season. He led all Western Hockey League rookies with 71 points in 72 games. He was also one of only four 1991-born players to crack Canada's roster, which won its first under-18 world title since 2005.

"Getting to play in this tournament as an underager is really going to help me," said Schenn. "It's a great honour to play for Canada and win a gold medal."

Well, they're at it again.

At the Tier I Family Circle Cup WTA tour event last week in Charleston South Carolina, Russia and its Slavic "little brother" Serbia occupied all of the top four seeds. Yet, only one of them managed to get as far as the semi-finals.

The #1 seed, Serbia's Jelena Jancovic, was beaten in the quarter finals by Russia's #8 seed Vera Zvonareva; Jancovic was able to win only two games in the decisive third set against the vastly inferior Russian journeywoman. Russia's top seed, the #2 Maria Shamapova, was crushed by the lower-ranked Serena Williams, winning just one game in the third set of their quarter-finals match. Russia's #3 seed, Anna Chakvetadze, lost her opening round match to an unseeded opponent, taking just four games out of 16 played in the two sets she lost. It also bears noting that Russia's other seed, #8 seed Dinara Safina, lost to a lower-ranked non-Russian in straight sets in her second match of the tournament.

This left a gigantic yawner of a semi-finals match between the lone Russian to justify her seed, the woeful serveless wonder Elena Dementieva, who lost though seeded higher, and Zvonareva. If the sport had to rely on matches of that kind for its survival, it would have gone extinct long ago. In the other semi, instead of Chakvetadze against Sharapova, we got Williams against an unseeded Frenchwoman. Then we got Serena against the Russian in a totally lame final and the predictable Williams dominating victory, with Zvonareva serving eight double faults and offering twelve break points to Serena. Ho, hum.

It's more than obvious that the Russian contingent cannot be seen as a viable front for the sport. When Americans like Everett and Navratilova, or the Williams sisters and Lindsey Davenport, dominated the seeding, the quality of play was outstanding and the level of interest was high. Russians, however, seem to have no ability to generate that kind of electric buzz, and indeed to lack even the apparent desire to do so. Their attitude seems to be to simply grab whatever they can and disappear as fast as possible.

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Last week we reported on how opposition political groups were exposing the Kremlin's disastrous failure in organizing the Sochi Olympiad. No sooner had this story broken than the boss of the affair was forced to resign in disgrace, conclusively proving the truth of the charges. The Moscow Times reports:

Semyon Vainshtok, the head of the Olimpstroi state corporation responsible for preparing Sochi for the 2014 Olympics, resigned abruptly Thursday, amid accusations of mismanagement and cost overruns. Viktor Kolodyazhny, the mayor of Sochi, was named as Vainshtok's replacement.

Vainshtok's departure, just seven months after being appointed to the job, came after months of criticism from lawmakers and state officials, who said the cost of preparations for the Olympics had ballooned to nearly $12 billion. At a news briefing Thursday at Olimpstroi's Moscow office to formalize the handover, Vainshtok introduced Kolodyazhny as his successor. In front of television cameras, Vainshtok hugged Kolodyazhny and wished him luck. Kolodyazhny spoke only briefly, saying merely, "The preparations will be finished by the deadline."

Earlier, Regional Development Minister Dmitry Kozak told reporters that Olimpstroi would now work to complete the preparations ahead of time. Afterward, Vainshtok insisted that he had done what was expected of him, and it was time to step aside. "I had a certain task: to begin the preparations for the Olympic Games, and I have fulfilled it," Vainshtok said in an interview on the street outside the Olimpstroi office. "I am satisfied, by now 46 billion rubles ($1.97 billion) has been transferred to the accounts of Olimpstroi." Vainshtok, 60, added that he had had "a number of very good offers [of jobs] but nothing from the state."

Officials sought to downplay Vainshtok's resignation, saying he had planned it for some months. Kozak said at the briefing that he had agreed with Vainshtok in September that he would leave after completing his allotted task. "He has done as planned," Kozak said. "I see no politics in what has happened." He added that Vainshtok would soon be given a high-ranking state award. Both President Vladimir Putin and Prime Minister Viktor Zubkov on Thursday praised Vainshtok for his work at Olimpstroi.

Vainshtok, formerly head of pipeline monopoly Transneft, was tapped by Putin to head Olimpstroi on Sept. 11, a day before Putin appointed Zubkov prime minister in a shakeup of top government and state officials. After stepping down at Transneft, which he headed for eight years, Vainshtok was replaced by Putin ally Nikolai Tokarev, the head of state oil firm Zarubezhneft. Kozak on Thursday praised Kolodyazhny, 54, calling him "a highly professional manager." He added that Kolodyazhny "was not the only candidate" to replace Vainshtok but declined to name the others. On Thursday, Vladimir Afanasenkov, a former deputy governor of the Krasnodar region, replaced Kolodyazhny as Sochi mayor. Olimpstroi vice president Sergei Grigoryev, a lieutenant of Vainshtok's who followed him from Transneft, said Thursday that Kolodyazhny's appointment had been "quite unexpected." Grigoryev stoutly defended Vainshtok against his critics. "Less than a year has passed since we won the bid. It is obvious that we have neither the financial nor the strategic plan yet with exact figures and parameters," Grigoryev said.

Grigoryev, a former vice president at Transneft under Vainshtok, hinted that the team that came with Vainshtok from the pipeline monopoly last September might also leave Olimpstroi. "But don't expect any dramatic changes in the company," Grigoryev said. Public arguments among officials over the spiraling costs for the Olympics have increased in recent months, with Vainshtok telling State Duma deputies last month that the games would cost taxpayers three times the initial estimates. Building the transportation infrastructure alone could cost 316 billion rubles ($13.5 billion), Vainshtok said. The government initially earmarked 200 billion rubles ($8.5 billion) of state funds for Olympic construction, including the cost of design and construction of sports facilities, energy supply, communications and tourist attractions. "A lot was missing [in the estimates] and most of what was included was not confirmed by state experts," Vainshtok told deputies. "[The cost of] purchasing land was not even taken into account, and this alone would require an additional 82.4 billion rubles ($3.5 billion)."

The first serious hint of Vainshtok's position being under threat came earlier this month, when Victor Ilyukhin, a Communist Duma deputy, urged authorities in an open letter to fire Vainshtok and start an investigation into possible money laundering at Olimpstroi. Ilyukhin said the state's planned budget for Sochi, $11.9 billion, would dwarf the $6 billion combined total spent on the Winter Olympics in Nagano, Salt Lake City and Turin. Audit Chamber chief Stepashin warned a Cabinet meeting last month that the Sochi Games would end up costing taxpayers $24 billion. Ilyukhin said Thursday that the departure would offer only temporary relief. "Not much will change immediately, but all hopes are on [Kolodyazhny] to use his good local knowledge to put things right," Ilyukhin said. In his complaint, Ilyukhin attacked Olimpstroi's status as a state corporation, which he said meant that it was beyond the control of the Justice Ministry, State Registry, and tax and customs services. "This gives huge opportunities for money laundering," Ilyukhin said.

Ilyukhin put the blame for quickly rising land prices in Sochi on Vainshtok's shoulders, saying speculators had gained at the expense of the state. Chris Weafer, chief strategist at UralSib, said Vainshtok's departure had not come as a big surprise, as "a lot of changes across the government structure" were to be expected during the presidential handover period between Vladimir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev. Vainshtok's move to Olimpstroi in September had more to do with moving him out of Transneft, where he was blocking a deal between the state and the Caspian Pipeline Consortium, than with him being involved long-term with the Olympic preparations, Weafer said.

At the Tier II WTA Tour event on Amelia Island in Florida last week, the carnage continued apace for Russia's so-called "dominant" female tennis players.

Four Russians entered the tournament's third round, including half of its top six seeds. Only one of them, Maria Sharapova, reached the quarter finals as the rest were cut down like sheafs of wheat before the scythe -- and Sharapova herself only barely survived a brutal three-set challenge from the Spaniard seeded #15.

Russia's #6 seed Dinara Safina was beaten by a lower-seeded Ukrainian.

Russia's #2 seed Anna Chakvetadze was decisively crushed by an unseeded Slovakian, winning only three games in the two sets she lost.

And unseeded Elena Vesnina lost in straight sets to unseeded Frenchwoman Alize Cornet.

So the only "Russian" to reach the quarters was the one (Shamapova) who learned her game in the United States and lives there full time, and she got there by the skin of her teeth, winning two of three sets both in tiebreakers.

In typical Shamapova style, upon reaching the quarters she discovered that the highest-ranked player she could face in there, or in the semis or finals, was the #8 seed (relatively unknown Agnes Szavay of Hungary). In fact, Shamapova faced the #10 seed in the quarters, needing three sets and a tiebreaker to prevail. The the semis, she then only needed to defeat the #16 seed -- that's right, it got easier as she moved towards the finals, where she was guaranteed to face an unseeded opponent for the title.

But wait! It gets better! In the semifinals, Shamapova's opponent came down with fever and defaulted, so Shamapova marched into the finals to meet an unseeded opponent without even having to play a single point.

Champion? We think not.

The Russian contingent was up to its old tricks again last week at the WTA Tier I tour event in Miami Florida.

Before turning to them, though, we should note a larger outrage: American Serena Williams won the tournament in dominating fashion, crushing several higher-ranked players on the way to the title (which she won for the fifth time, a record). Yet, on Monday her ranking actually dropped from #8 to #9. Obviously, the ranking system is entirely psychotic and requires massive reform (after all, it once said -- albeit briefly -- that the pathetic Maria Shamapova was the best player on the planet). The woeful Russian Elena Dementieva vaulted from #11 to #8, knocking Serena down a peg, advancing to the quarterfinals in a show of pure dumb luck.

Speaking of which, as for the Russians:

Fully half the quarter-finals spots were occupied by Russians, giving apparent fuel to the Russophile fire. But no intelligent fan was duped. It was all just a freak of nature, taking the wind out of the tournament's sails by sending boring, lame Russian players deep into the draw.

Three Russians who were not seeded to reach the quarters (#10 Dementieva, #13 Safina and #19 Zvonareva) got there anyway. How did they do it? Dumb luck. All three of the higher-seeded players they were scheduled to meet in the earlier rounds conveniently lost before they ever needed to face them. Slavic vixen and #2 seed Ivanovic was blown off the court in easy straight sets by aging, has-been American Lindsey Davenport while Russia's second-highest seed (#5 Anna Chakvetadze -- who fell to #7 in the world from #5 as a result) was equally humiliated by an unseeded opponent in her second match, taking only one game in the second set. Finally, #7 Hantuchova lost a tough three-setter against a Japanese journeywoman. Russia's most famous player, it should be noted, namely Maria Sharapova, didn't even show up, licking her wounds after a humiliating drubbing by countrywoman Kuznetsova in the prior tournament.

This had the effect of leaving Russia with a guaranteed spot in the semifinals as Zvonareva and Safina drew each other in the quarters. Meanwhile, in an act that can only be considered insane, tournament organizers not only placed world #1 Justine Henin the same quarter of the draw with the most scintillating player, #8 Serena Williams, but it also placed both of them in the same half with Serena's sister Venus, virtually guaranteeing that all the real drama of the tournament would be gone before the finals. When Serena's rank drops even though she wins a Tier I event, and when fans are deprives of marquee matches in the semis and finals, it's time to wonder whether the women's game is out to destroy itself.

And in the event, the Russians spoiled things even earlier. Kuznetsova, whose middle name should be "chokeyawn," beat the lower-ranked Venus, sending her on to face Serena in the semis after Serena brutally destroyed Henin. The lower-ranked Serena then easily whipped the higher-ranked Kuznetsova in the semis, cruising to an easy 6-3 win the the third set. Kuznetsova's ranking thus dropped to #4 from #3 (though this was not nearly as bizarre a result as with Serena, since Kuznetsova was displaced by former #4 Jelena Jankovic, who made the finals).

Thus, of the four Russian women who made the quarterfinals, two (Kuznetsova and Safina) lost to lower-ranked opponents, one (Dementieva) gave up in the middle of the second set and one (Zvonareva) was blown off the court by a higher-ranked opponent in an unwatchable match. With 50% of the spots in both the quarters and semis, Russia didn't manage to get even one player into the finals, much less win the tournament. In other words, same old Russian story. By contrast, though not seeded to even make the semifinals and with 50% fewer players reaching the quarters than Russia, America not only put a player in the finals but won the title, it's lower-ranked entrant totally dominating her higher-ranked Serbian opponent.

As if all this weren't enough lameness, as we reported last week Mikhail Youzhny, the men's 11th seed, helped Russia to some additional humiliation by beating himself over the head repeatedly with his racket during his third-round match, drawing blood and turning himself into a YouTube phenonmenon. Add this to top-ranked Russian Nikolay Davydenko's match-fixing investigation, and you have . . . Russia in a nutshell.

Reuters reports:

Russia's Mikhail Youzhny has become an unlikely star on the YouTube Web site after he battered his head with a tennis racket at the Sony Ericsson Open. A video shot by the host broadcaster Fox Sports Network (FSN) showed Youzhny violently whacking his head three times in a row, sending blood streaming down his forehead and nose. The world number 11 was 5-4 down against Nicolas Almagro of Spain in the final set of his third round match on Monday when his frustrations spilled over after he lost a lengthy rally. The clip had received over 700,000 hits on the Web site by Wednesday. Youzhny did not let a little blood get in the way of the match, which he won 7-6 3-6 7-6. The Russian lost his fourth round match to Serbia's Janko Tipsarevic of Serbia 3-6 6-0 6-3 on Tuesday.

At the World Figure Skating Championships in Goteborg, Sweden, last week, Russia was nearly shut entirely out of the medal count.

No medal in the nation's beloved pairs event. Even more brutally, the gold-medal team included a Ukrainian woman who had defected to Germany.

No medal in men's or ladies' individual events.

Russia's only medal was a lowly bronze in ice dancing.

Ouch.

No wonder Putin's Russia fought so hard to get the 2014 winter Olympics -- how else can it hope to get another gold medal, except by rigging the results on home ice.

"It's 2007, and there is no mafia in Russia."

That's what Russia's top-ranked tennis player Nikolay Davydenko (pictured above) recently told an ESPN reporter when he asked whether Davydenko "might have connections to Russian organized crime." He actually said that. We're not making it up. Click through the link and check for yourself, if you don't believe us. They've got him on video, this is a written transcript of a program they've already broadcast.

ESPN has just published and aired the results of a four-month investigation into charges that Davydenko, then #4 in the world, intentionally threw a match at the Orange Prokom Open in Poland in August last year against the lowly world #87 Martin Vassallo Arguello of Argentina. After Davydenko won the first set against Arguello, the betting odds on Arguello winning the match suddenly spiked through the roof as several bets worth nearly a million dollars flooded British gambling parlors, all picking Arguello to prevail, which he promptly then did after Davydenko complained of injury and quit. Ultimately, it turned out more than $7 million had been bet on the obscure match. The manner of the betting was unheard of in tennis, and the result was that the betting parlors canceled all the action on the match.

Since then, Davydenko has refused to turn over to investigators phone records for wife and brother, records which might show they acted as go-betweens between him and the fixers, despite declaring "I am clean" to investigators, and an expert gambler ESPN consulted stated: "I'm certain that from the betting patterns I was privy to, this match was 100 percent fixed." In another jaw-dropping remark, when asked whether he had tanked on purpose Davydenko replied: "I don't know how to throw a match."

He doesn't know how to lose on purpose. There's no such thing as mafia in Russia. Got it?

ESPN reports:

"I do have evidence that I was injured," Davydenko says. "That's why I couldn't finish the match."

The ATP won't comment on Davydenko's medical condition. But it appears, from his record on the court immediately after the Sopot match, that he recovered fairly quickly. The week after retiring against Vassallo Arguello, Davydenko beat two players ranked in the top 30 at the event in Canada, the same event where Leitgeb says Davydenko was diagnosed with a stress fracture.

Two weeks later, Davydenko was healthy enough to make it to the semifinals of the U.S. Open before he lost to Roger Federer.

The gambling expert responded: "I think that's a very lame attempt to create a smoke screen over the truth of the matter that he was never going to win that match."

Regardless of whether, out of blind Russian nationalism, you believe Davydenko's absurd statements or whether, having an IQ above the first grade, you assume he's lying, this situation is Russia personified -- and compelling proof of how necessary it is to focus, as we do, on the sporting world from time to time in order to really understand Russia.

Anyone who's dealt with Russians knows only too well how perfectly their attitudes are reflected in microcosm by Mr. Davydenko. Russians are so isolated from the world, so totally detached from the flow of real information, that they often make statements that seem to come from another planet. It's hard to tell whether they've been suckered by the Kremlin's propaganda or are willing participants in spreading it. Whole generations have been raised to believe that Russians are the only truly clever people on the Earth, that a special set of rules applies to them, and that all Russian failure is due solely to bad luck. They got very used to being mysterious to the world, and hence being able to get away with telling such whoppers, during Soviet times. In many case, though, the sad thing is that they actually believe their own lies. Despite the fall of the Iron Curtain, they haven't realized yet, like the Emperor with his New Clothes, that now they stand naked before the world.
No mafia in Russia? Couldn't figure out how to lose on purpose if he wanted to?

In Russia, you can actually make headway with ridiculous statements like this. Remember when "president" Putin compared himself to Gandhi? Nobody should be surprised. The country has, after all, a long history of killing people who disagree with such utterances -- and of making heroes of out of the killers. But now, Russia is attempting to insinuate itself into the broader world, including the world of professional sports, and carrying with it the carcinogen of rapacious dishonesty and fraud that brought down the USSR. It is almost as if it wanted to infect the world with this toxin, like a trodden on snake lashing out before its demise to take down its tormentor as well.

If Russia is prepared to get this medieval in the world of sports, do you dare to imagine what sort of poisonous exploits it may be up to within the cozy confines of the G-8 organization, or what it might do with membership in the WTO?

You don't have to use your imagination. We report below on how Russia is making a national hero out of a convicted murderer. Shutting down foreign universities for daring to teach the truth. Becoming a "superpower" in the fine art of filling your e-mail box with SPAM messages. And ignoring the national AIDS crisis to the extent that private business has to try to do something about it just to preserve their own workforces. All the while, not a word of protest is raised and no opposition candidate is allowed to run against the power in the Kremlin.

It's barbarism, pure and simple, and it's spreading beyond Russia's borders just like it did in Soviet times. When will the world realize that the time is now to combat this scourge that rises before us like the plague?

Well, let's see now, how did the Russian contingent do at the year's first grand slam tournament, the Australian Open down under?

Humiliation, as usual, of course. It's hard to imagine how the events could have unfolded more bitterly or disgracefully for the Russian nationalists. Their only consolation may have been that the entire tournament turned into a spectacular disaster, with neither of the two most interesting male players (Federer and Nadal) and none of the three most scintillating women (Henin and the two Williams sisters) making it into the finals. Except that this should have meant the top Russians had an excellent opportunity to notch a major title.

No such luck.

Just to start with, neither Russia's top-ranked woman, Svetlana Kuznetsova, nor its top-ranked man, Nikolay Davidenko, made it as far as the quarterfinals. Both were summarily brushed aside by much lower-ranked competition, and it's hard to say which loss was more humiliating. Kuznetsova was blown off the court in easy straight sets in the third round by, of all things, a Polish (ouch!) player (not ranked in the world's top 25), while Davydenko was brutally crushed in straight sets by a fellow Russian, winning only one game in the decisive set. Usually, highly ranked Russians can at least hope to beat other Russians.

In fact, doing so is pretty much how they get their high rankings in the first place (it's how "Russia's" #2 woman, Maria Sharapova -- a "Russian" who spends all her time in America for some reason -- for instance got out of the third round, by destroying Russia's #11-ranked Elena Dementieva in yet another pathetic outing for the serveless wonder). That same Pole who whipped Kuznetsova then did the same to Russia's #4 player, Nadia Petrova (ranked #14), who was unable to win a single game in the decisive third set of their match. Double ouch. Triple!

The most "Russian" player in the draw, world #27 Maria Kirilenko ("the Other Maria"), who hardly speaks English, was beaten by Slovakian Daniela Hantuchova in the fourth round when, after winning the first set, she proceeded to lose the next four games without winning a single point, one of the most unheard of and embarrassing implosions in modern tennis history. Kirilenko may actually have considered herself lucky to lose, though, since if she had won she would have had to face that Polish Russian-killer in her next match. Kirilenko had polished off the much higher-ranked Anna Chakvetadze Russia's #3 player, to round out Russia's third-round humiliation, with Chakvetadze managing to win a total only three games combined in the second two sets. After that win some thought Kirilenko might be "for real." Then again, not so much. They forgot that the win had come against a fellow Russian, not a good predictor for performance outside their sphere.

After this wholesale Russian slaughter, the only "Russian" woman to reach the quarterfinals was Sharapova, who has lived in the United States since childhood and owns property there, having learned her American game in Florida. And who, by the way, was bitterly booted off the Russian national team last year in a hissy fit of recrimination from the real Russian players. Talk about pouring salt in Russia's wounds!

The net result (pardon the pun) was that more American women (both Williams sisters) reached the quarterfinals than "Russians" (three Americans and no Russians, actually, if you count Sharapova, who has never played for the Russian national team and speaks English on the court, as American), and the same number of American men did so as Russians -- even though America is in a major lull in its glorious tennis history. The lone Russian male survivor, Mikhail Youzhny, was then summarily blown off the court by an unseeded Frenchman, failing to win a single game in the second set of a straight-set loss. One was left to wonder how that crazy idea about "dominant" Russian tennis players ever got started. Perhaps the KGB was involved? Or, perhaps, just morons.

Thus, by Tuesday the only "Russian" left standing in the men's or ladies' draw was the "Russian" who's lived most of her life in the United States, Shamapova, the one player the Russian nationalists would presumably least like to see in that position. Tiny Serbia had three times as many players in the semifinals as mighty Russia.

Surely the luckiest human being on Earth, based on her draw Sharapova by all rights should have had to face both world #1 Justine Henin and multiple Australian Open champion Serena Williams just to get to the finals, where she should have had to face multiple grand slam winner Venus Williams or prior French winner Amelie Mauresmo, yet in the end she had to face only one of them, winning a freakishly lop-sided victory against Henin that no knowledgable fan could attribute to Sharapova's skill. In the semi-finals, she met Serbian Jelena Jankovic who, hobbled by injuries, was barely able to even complete the match, vaulting Sharapova into the finals. It was as if the title had been gift-wrapped for her, and Sharapova conveniently seemed not to notice. Admitting that she was "desperate" to atone for her humiliating defeat at the hands of Serena in the finals last year, she stated: "I've been able to execute the things that I've been wanting to do and I've been able to do it consistently, not just for three, four games and then have a major letdown." Able to execute? Indeed so. Able to execute another amazing run of sheer dumb luck, catching the world's greatest player on a bad day and then totally avoiding any of the other dangerous players. As we note in our editorial today, it's exactly the same sort of bluster we see from the Putin regime, lost in a fog of self-delusion. And, believe it or not, this wasn't the worst of it, not by a long shot.

Because then there was Yuri.

When you look at this photograph of Maria Sharapova's father Yuri "Unabomber" Sharapov watching her play the world #1 Justine Henin from the stands at the Australian Open, do the words "innocent joke" come to mind? That's what Yuri said he was doing when, just after Sharapova's victory, he covered his head with his camouflage hood, donned dark glasses, and made a barbaric throat-slitting gesture, scowling like a barbaric madman in front of the world's television cameras. Joking? Sounds just like the type of explanations the Soviets used to give when the would invade Hungary or Afghanistan -- ridiculously embarrassing drivel that only a Russian, and maybe not even one, could believe. One Australian paper said: "Sharapov's belligerence, captured by a camera he knew was in his face, belongs in a professional wrestling ring not beside a tennis court." Yuri is too Russian even for many Russians themselves. French Open winner Anastasia Myskina once threatened to stand down from Fed Cup if Sharapova was selected -- because of the antics of her father. "If she joins our team next season you won't see me there, for sure," Myskina said.

It's really quite pathetic how some Russophile fanatics choose to see our criticisms of Sharapova as being anti-Russian; in fact, when we attack her it's one of the rare occasions when we are taking Russia's side, agreeing with folks like Ms. Myskina. It's so typical of Russians to be unable to recognize who their friends are, to attack them while comforting those who are really their enemies.

Yuri Sharapov is no doubt bitter from so many years of such spectacular failure by his daughter, desperate to inflate the significance of any kind of victory, as if history didn't exist. That's exactly the way the leaders of the USSR behaved, and it is exactly the way Vladimir Putin is behaving now. These sorts of Russians live in dream worlds of their own concoction, isolated from real information like the Emperor with his New Clothes. As we have said before, in this we see Russia displayed in perfect microcosm on the tennis court, which is why we continue reporting on such events.