Well, let's see now. Four of the eight places at the Sony Tour Championships last week were filled by Russians.

Guess how many of them made it to the four semi-final spots?

Exactly one.

Which one?

Well, the one who moved to America when she was a little girl and learned her game there, and who spends all her time there now, having purchased various pieces of real estate. You know, the highest ranked "Russian" on the tour, Maria "Shamapova." And guess what happened to her when she got there.

Continuing her streak of absurd luck, which began when she somehow managed to leave Siberia, travel to the U.S., get a green card and study tennis for free at the world's most exclusive academy, Shamopova also continued her losing ways in the semis.

First, she found herself in the "red" draw surrounded by two of the three other Russians, with only one foreigner in the group. All she had to do was beat the woeful Russians she played, which was child's play since they suck, and she was guaranteed a ride into the semis.

And indeed, the three "real"Russians were mowed down like shafts of wheat beneath the sickle of a mighty Soviet farm girl not only by Sharapova but by all the non-Russians as well. The miserable, pathetic Elena Dementieva failed to win a single set even though she was lucky enough to be placed in the red group too; in her final set, against non-Russian Kim Clijsters, Dementieva (sounds like "demented" doesn't it?) didn't manage to win a single game. Svetlana Kuznetsova recorded only one win, against the wretched Dementieva (the serveless wonder), while Nadia Petrova, supposedly the world's fifth-best player, likewise prevailed in only one of her three matches, against the freakishly unstable Amelie Mauresmo, the greatest choke player in the history of the sport. Petrova was the only Russian other than Sharapova to record a win against a non-Russian (and Sharapova needed to face a non-Russian only once).

As if to humiliate that epic moron Wally Shedd, who proclaimed Russians "dominant" in the sport, the Russians collapsed like a house of cards and three of the four semifinalist spots were filled by non-Russians. It was mathematically impossible for them to field less players in the semis than they did. The only non-Russian eliminated before the semis was Martina Hingus, who whipped Petrova and valiantly extended all her other matches to three sets.

So the three "real" Russians were torn to shreds by the four non-Russians and the one American Russian. They played nine matches between them and lost 66% of them. So much for the idea of "dominance" by Russian women in tennis or by Russians in any sport. Once again, Wacko Wally Shedd is proved to be an utter fool - and a dishonest one at that. Well, in other words, he's a russophile.

In the semis, Sharapova was then blown off the court by the lower-ranked non-Russian Justine Henin-Hardenne in straight sets, winning just two games in the first and blowing her chance to finish the year as the number one player. With half the players in the draw, no Russian reached the finals, which was contested between Amelie Mauresmo and Henin-Hardenne. When it really counted, the non-Russian Henin pushed right past Sharapova to claim the year-end number 1 ranking which Sharapova could have had if she had won the tournament.

In the end, not one of the four Russians ended the tournament with a winning record against the four non-Russians and not one of the three "real" Russians made it past round-robin play with them. In short, they continued making a mockery of the sport, lacking not only superlative skills but any other aspect of personality or interest for the viewer (save Sharapova's T&A). When compared to the champions of the past, there is no comparison.

So much for Russian "dominance" and so much for the intelligence of Wacko Wally Shedd. Only one Russian made a significant showing at the Sony, and that's the Russian who spends all her time in America. Even that couldn't help her to be even competitive against the world's true greats.

In this, as in all things, Russians will apparently go on deluding themselves into believeing that that are "great" and "dominant" rather than actually doing the hard work necesary to make it so.

In other words, with friends like Wacko Wally Shedd, Russia doesn't need any enemies.