We'll give you three words for Russia: Paradise on Earth! Who can doubt that it is so? If you are unlucky enough not to have been born a Slavic Russian, do not despair! There is always immigration, and Russia's warm love for all the peoples of the world will make you feel welcome!
Just a few of the highlights from the Russian news yesterday to make you feel even more proud of your Russianess:
- 10 million babies were born yesterday, and not one single person passed away!
- Russians now live an average of 244 years, by far the longest adult lifespan of any country
- Every fourth person in Russia is a billionaire. The other three are glad to donate from their vast fortunes to help these impoverished souls live more comfortable lives.
- Vladimir Putin was severely beaten in his Siberian cell block last night. President Khodorkovsky vows to get to the bottom of it immediately.
- A jolly game of volleyball was played by the members of Russia's fourth manned flight to Mars, using the recently perfected gravity machine
- Russia won every single available medal at the Sochi Olmpiad (of course)
- Maria Sharapova is selling her American properties and moving back to Russia